20 Lessons I Learned Before 30
September is staring me down as I near the closure of my twenties. It’s easy for me to find nostalgia in simple things, so the end of a decade carries weight for me. What a beautiful decade full of learning, growth, struggle, redemption, and so much joy. Reflecting on what these years have taught me, I jot down 20 things that stood out to me.
No one will do it for you. The life change you want to make, the book you want to write, the impact you want to make - it won’t happen on its own.
If you want to know God, you have to prioritize Him. You can’t expect to grow in your knowledge of God or deepen in your love for Him by skimming the Bible every morning alongside a hurried prayer. You have to dig in, ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes and see for yourself why He is good.
There are seasonal friendships. Expectations in a relationship will kill it. Sometimes friendships are meant for a period of time. You’ll find more joy when you’re grateful for the time you’ve had with those people rather than focusing on what it could have been.
It’s okay to be a cliche. I’ve been trying to be different for as long as I can remember. But sometimes, I would go against the grain even when it wasn’t something I really wanted. That’s just silly. It’s okay to embrace the cliche sometimes. We’re all different, whether we look like it or not.
Food and naps are important. In 1 Kings 19, Elijah felt in despair and God knew He didn’t need a Bible verse, or worship music. He just needed food and rest. I’ve found that to be true for myself, it isn’t always a hyper spiritual answer to our problems. God gives to us in our sleep (Psalm 127:2).
What you put in your life will come out of you. What you choose to consume, what you think about and the words you speak will make up what you’re made of. Be careful what that content is. It will change how you view the world, yourself, and ultimately God.
God is the only one you can truly depend on. Chances are, every single person will fail you at one point or another. You can’t wholly depend on any person or friendship to give you what you want and need. The longing we feel for an unconditional friendship can only be met with a God who never changes. If you try to receive that from anyone else, it will bring you both down.
Expect the world to be broken. Sorrows are inevitable. Justice isn’t usually served. But we’re usually mourning the loss of our expectation of how life should be in addition to the loss itself which will compound our suffering. Sin is rampant in the world. God’s New Kingdom hasn’t come yet, so all of this is to be expected. But death won’t win. Justice is coming. And there’s so much hope to be found in that.
Patience is a very under-appreciated skill. I know this because I’m extremely impatient. But I’m slowly learning how crucial this virtue is. Patience affects yourself and those around you. Things take time. Enjoy the ride.
Speaking of which, slow down. Time will fly by. Life is made up of little moments and while we’re anxiously anticipating one big milestone, we miss enjoying the millions of small ones.
Say ‘no’ more. Not every outside life demand is worth giving energy towards or something you can fit into your life. Social media exposes us to every different way of living. You can’t do it all or be everything to everyone. There are a lot of things we think are essential that really aren’t. Do less and you’ll experience more out of your day and life. You weren’t meant to be so stimulated.
There will always be something to complain about. Joy is available if you look for it. You have to be active about noticing things around you, because it won’t come naturally to you. And it usually starts with gratitude. That’s why God asks us to praise His name and thank Him for all that He does. He knows it will give us joy as well as Him.
There will always be someone disappointed with you. No matter what you do, someone will have a bone to pick with you. As a healing people-pleaser, I’m finding a lot of freedom and joy in letting go of the urge to make someone feel comfortable with my opinion/presence.
Your habits make you who you are. Time matters more than you know. 5 minutes is a long time. And mindless scrolling means you’re probably anxious or bored. Maybe you just need to go outside or take a nap instead. Remember, you’re training your brain with the habits you build whether you’re aware of it or not. It’s far easier to make them than to break them.
Not everyone needs to understand you. (Just me?) This one is a big one for me, because I love to be understood. It’s exhausting and most of the time it’s just not necessary. When my goal is to be understood, I often lose sight of the point of the conversation.
Words are so powerful. Death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). One careless word could echo into someone’s brain forever. And you may never learn the effects of what you say. Listen more, talk less. This applies to words which you speak to yourself. They deeply impact the psychology of your brain. It’s no wonder Proverbs has so much to say about this – God knows and cares about what you say and think about.
Good posture will save you so many aches and pains. It may sound minor, but bad posture could wreck your body. Is there such a thing as a posture doctor?
It’s okay to not always know. Many times, anxiety is born out of confusion and not understanding what to do / make of something. You can’t process all the complex emotions and life scenarios on our own. Or erase your emotions. True peace only comes through trusting God with the unknown and facing your difficult emotions alongside Him. The more you resist this, the more anxious you will become.
Discipline and moderation stretches through all areas of your life - what you do, what you think about, and who you become. I’ve noticed that the more disciplined I am with exercise and diet, the more disciplined I am in spending time with God. We’re constantly training our brain to either choose comfort or growth. The more you resist what you feel like doing and choose what you should be doing, the more integrity you’ll build.
Don’t be passive about small decisions, they accumulate into larger ones. The small choices you make will turn into repeated, learned habits. Passiveness is contagious and if left unchecked will slowly overtake all areas of your life.
None of these I’ve come close to mastering, rather I’ve realized their importance. Did any of these resonate with you? Cheers to the next 30 years of learning, loving and growing!
